But She Scratched Me First

A Call to Forgiveness

After a month-long hiatus, Shadow and I tried to think of something appropriate to start off the new year. Themes of new beginnings ran through our minds and were rejected...for now. Then we realized we had the perfect theme to begin 2011...forgiveness.

Shadow's response to Missy's aggression doesn't harm Missy, who relaxes peacefully on a pillow.
Instead, it throws Shadow's life into turmoil.

Cats are record-breaking grudge bearers.

Dogs forgive. Cats remember, better than any elephant, and they make you pay…and pay, and pay, and pay.

I’ve already mentioned what a transition it was for Shadow when we had to leave Virginia and move to my parents’ farm in Oregon. One of the great trials for Shadow was having to adjust to sharing a house with two other cats. Missy and B.J. were the established owners. Shadow was the new girl in town. Things may have gone all right, though, if Missy hadn’t gone into attack mode.

The fights! Hisses and yowls flew through the house. Fur drifted down like snow. Blood spotted walls and carpets. Missy had no regard for time of day; two in the afternoon or three in the morning, the claws went out as soon as she spotted Shadow. The fights were uneven. Missy had been raised as a barn cat and already bore scars from many skirmishes. Shadow was a house cat, raised to run rather than fight. As she lost battle after battle, her life became somber and full of fear. She hid under the bed and couldn’t be coaxed out for any reason. Even now, months later, she checks both ways before she leaves the safety of our bedroom. Where she was nervous around other cats before, she now lashes out at friendly approaches, keeping potential friends at bay along with her enemies.

Missy was the aggressor. It was her fault the bitterness started. Shadow, though, let the bitterness grow and turn her life into a place of shadow and fear. If she were human, you might say it happened because she was unwilling to forgive.

Hebrews 12:15 tells us, “See that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no ‘root of bitterness’ springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled…” (ESV).

Because that’s what bitterness is. It starts as a seed, something small or large, intentional or unintentional. Gone unforgiven, it turns into a seedling, and then a sapling. Over time, it grows until it’s as large as a redwood, deep of root and apparently unmovable. Don’t misunderstand; it never actually becomes immovable. With each day and month and year that passes, though, the task becomes more difficult and more daunting. It seems easier to let it remain than to undertake the work and pain it would require to move it.

That’s what Shadow did with Missy. No matter how many times Missy attacked her, Shadow cat always had a choice in how to respond. She had a choice in how deep the bitterness went. She chose to let it grow. That’s not what God calls us to do, though. In Matthew 6, right after teaching His disciples the Lord’s Prayer, Jesus tells them, “For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses” (6:14-15 ESV).

Again, in Matthew 18, Christ stresses forgiveness.

“Then Peter came up and said to him, ‘Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?’ Jesus said to him, ‘I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven’” (18:21-22 ESV).

Not that this is easy. It is never easy. The worse the crime against you, the more difficult it is to forgive…and the more necessary. Because--unless you plot active revenge--holding a grudge doesn’t normally harm the person who goes unforgiven. It harms the grudge-bearer. Does Shadow’s attitude harm Missy? Or does it make Shadow’s life miserable and, from there, spill over into Shadow’s other interactions? That’s right. Missy is oblivious; it’s Shadow who suffers.

There’s more to say on forgiveness. It’s a complex yet deceptively simple process. Maybe we’ll cover more next time. For now, start the new year with the words of Hebrews 12:15.

“See that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no ‘root of bitterness’ springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled….”

If a root of bitterness already dwells in your life, get rid of it. Tear it out, dig it up, chop it down. Start 2011 with the fruit of forgiveness.

Happy New Year!